As someone with a science background I tend to be quite skeptical of most claims, but this article is nevertheless unnerving.

Global warming: the final verdict

A study by the world’s leading experts says global warming will happen faster and be more devastating than previously thought

Robin McKie, science editor
Sunday January 21, 2007
The Observer

Global warming is destined to have a far more destructive and earlier impact than previously estimated, the most authoritative report yet produced on climate change will warn next week.A draft copy of the Fourth Assessment Report of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, obtained by The Observer, shows the frequency of devastating storms – like the ones that battered Britain last week – will increase dramatically. Sea levels will rise over the century by around half a metre; snow will disappear from all but the highest mountains; deserts will spread; oceans become acidic, leading to the destruction of coral reefs and atolls; and deadly heatwaves will become more prevalent.

The impact will be catastrophic, forcing hundreds of millions of people to flee their devastated homelands, particularly in tropical, low-lying areas, while creating waves of immigrants whose movements will strain the economies of even the most affluent countries.

‘The really chilling thing about the IPCC report is that it is the work of several thousand climate experts who have widely differing views about how greenhouse gases will have their effect. Some think they will have a major impact, others a lesser role. Each paragraph of this report was therefore argued over and scrutinised intensely. Only points that were considered indisputable survived this process. This is a very conservative document – that’s what makes it so scary,’ said one senior UK climate expert.

Climate concerns are likely to dominate international politics next month. President Bush is to make the issue a part of his state of the union address on Wednesday while the IPCC report’s final version is set for release on 2 February in a set of global news conferences.

Although the final wording of the report is still being worked on, the draft indicates that scientists now have their clearest idea so far about future climate changes, as well as about recent events. It points out that:

· 12 of the past 13 years were the warmest since records began;

· ocean temperatures have risen at least three kilometres beneath the surface;

· glaciers, snow cover and permafrost have decreased in both hemispheres;

· sea levels are rising at the rate of almost 2mm a year;

· cold days, nights and frost have become rarer while hot days, hot nights and heatwaves have become more frequent.

And the cause is clear, say the authors: ‘It is very likely that [man-made] greenhouse gas increases caused most of the average temperature increases since the mid-20th century,’ says the report.

To date, these changes have caused global temperatures to rise by 0.6C. The most likely outcome of continuing rises in greenhouses gases will be to make the planet a further 3C hotter by 2100, although the report acknowledges that rises of 4.5C to 5C could be experienced. Ice-cap melting, rises in sea levels, flooding, cyclones and storms will be an inevitable consequence.

Past assessments by the IPCC have suggested such scenarios are ‘likely’ to occur this century. Its latest report, based on sophisticated computer models and more detailed observations of snow cover loss, sea level rises and the spread of deserts, is far more robust and confident. Now the panel writes of changes as ‘extremely likely’ and ‘almost certain’.

And in a specific rebuff to sceptics who still argue natural variation in the Sun’s output is the real cause of climate change, the panel says mankind’s industrial emissions have had five times more effect on the climate than any fluctuations in solar radiation. We are the masters of our own destruction, in short.

There is some comfort, however. The panel believes the Gulf Stream will go on bathing Britain with its warm waters for the next 100 years. Some researchers have said it could be disrupted by cold waters pouring off Greenland’s melting ice sheets, plunging western Europe into a mini Ice Age, as depicted in the disaster film The Day After Tomorrow.

The report reflects climate scientists’ growing fears that Earth is nearing the stage when carbon dioxide rises will bring irreversible change to the planet. ‘We are seeing vast sections of Antarctic ice disappearing at an alarming rate,’ said climate expert Chris Rapley, in a phone call to The Observer from the Antarctic Peninsula last week. ‘That means we can expect to see sea levels rise at about a metre a century from now on – and that will have devastating consequences.’

However, there is still hope, said Peter Cox of Exeter University. ‘We are like alcoholics who have got as far as admitting there is a problem. It is a start. Now we have got to start drying out – which means reducing our carbon output.’

If it’s indeed true that this report was compiled by a wide array of scientists with all manner of different viewpoints, then this could be the most unbiased and accurate account of the possible dangers. It’s certainly worth considering. So far there seems to be a mountain of evidence in support global warming. The arguments against it seem soundly refuted from what I’ve seen and read, and the Michael Crichton novel (which probably deserves its own blog) has similarly been debunked as the fiction it is.

At the risk of sounding like an alarmist I’m starting to think we really should do something about this before it winds up being too late. It is better safe than sorry, and it definitely would be nice to clean up our act a bit and get some fresher air.

– Mike

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Stephen Colbert is one of my favorite television characters ever. The man is simply awesome. Anyway he is sort of an over-the-top emulation of Bill O’Reilly, indirectly mocking him and the more strident “conservatives” by acting like an idiot enthusiastically supporting every decision of theirs. He is very much like O’Reilly except the idiocy is a joke, and not real.

Anyway in a move that is almost too good to be true, Colbert was invited to appear on the O’Reilly Factor and O’Reilly appeared on the Colbert report. Both interviews are amusing, but the one on the Colbert Report was just awesome. Here are some links:

Colbert on O’Reilly’s show

O’Reilly on the Colbert Report

O’Reilly was strangely respectful on his show when Stephen was on, though after Colbert left he went on a diatribe about how Colbert was bad for the country, and the damage that was being done. Maybe he was afraid of going toe-to-toe with Stephen (who does think very quickly on his feet) and looking like a jackass, or maybe he toned it down and held back because he knew he’d be appearing on the Colbert Report later. I’m sure O’Reilly also realizes that acting like a jackass to someone who’s pretending to idolize him would look Bully-ish. However it does look like O’Reilly has to work to hold his composure at times.

There were some very funny moments in the Colbert Report interview, and some fairly subtle jabs near the beginning about O’Reilly’s sex scandal (the reference of Jon as a sexual predator and how Bill would know what that’s like). There are some great moments so go watch if you haven’t seen it yet. The best line though has to be: “If you’re an act, then what am I?”

Peace out nation,


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The trouble with Evolution is that everyone *thinks* they understand it.

– Richard Dawkins

This has come up recently, I was informed about a speaker in my area who could “scientifically prove” that evolution is false. Of course anybody with comprehension of science and the scientific process (less than 30% of you if you’re American) knows how ridiculous this is, for reasons I’ll get into later.

I have seen and heard these speakers before, and they prey on the misconceptions and ignorance of their audience. They exploit the perceptions of those who are faithful and have very limited knowledge of the principles of evolution. They only reinforce what the faithful want to believe, they assuage cognitive dissonance with fallacies – and the faithful blindly accept the distortions because it makes them feel comfortable and secure in their beliefs. It’s very probable that the speakers themselves fully believe what they’re saying, but the issue is that they don’t understand evolution at all. It’s easy to persuade somebody with no knowledge that something is wrong.

I am not trying to attack or disparage the faithful or these speakers, I am instead pointing out that many of them don’t really “get it.” Indeed the general level of education in America is pathetic with surveys showing almost 48% of the population believing humans co-existed with dinosaurs (Chapter 7 – “Science and Technology: Public Attitudes and Public Understanding”, Report: Science & Engineering Indicators – 2003, National Science Board, National Science Foundation, April 2002)…

I’m glad I come from a family of scientists and have taken many unversity courses in anthropology and other such research so I know more than the vast majority of Americans.

Almost every other developed country accepts evolution more than we do, and consequently they are better educated on evolution than we are (we are on the bottom of both charts). Is that a coincidence? Certainly not. We live in a religious society that mistakenly sees evolution as a threat to faith, and it is easier to defeat something you don’t understand. A great many of the scientists who study evolution are religious and they don’t perceive it as a threat to their beliefs, and they actually understand it.

Now I won’t actually get into the evolution vs. creation debate because there is little hope of changing people’s minds. What I will do is illustrate many of the fallacies committed by these speakers and evangelical advocates against evolution.

The most important thing about science is that it’s not a belief system. You often see the faithful mistakenly align science as a belief, and you sometimes hear about some speaker who “proves evolution wrong scientifically”. Evolution has never been proven wrong scientifically, and if it was it would be from a scientist, not some evangelical speaker.

The truth is that science is its own harshest critic, scientists are more skeptical of science than the faithful are, that’s the nature of the beast. The very structure of science is to make a hypothesis and do every thing imaginable to prove it wrong. If it can’t be proven wrong (based on strictly empirical evidence and study) it becomes a theory. If it is absolutely unbeatable and incontrovertible then it becomes a law. If there was anything that legitimately disproved evolution than it would cease to be or undergo severe revisions to be consistent with new data. Darwin was wrong on a number of things, scientists were the ones to find his mistakes and change the theories (NOT the evangelicals). Indeed evangelicals like to use the outdated Darwin models and argue against them, ignoring or not knowing that they’ve been out of date for the last 100 years.

So let’s get in to some of the common myths you see…

Myth: Evolution is just a theory.

Essentially true, but dismissing it as “just a theory” a grave distortion of what a scientific theory is. A scientific theory is not the same as a hypothesis, it is not a guess by any possible stretch. A theory is an organized set of information that has been confirmed repeatedly and not yet proven untrue. A theory is demonstrated to be true, it’s observable, repeatable, and far more supported and confirmed than any guess. Of course evangelicals like to distort the word “Theory” to make it sound weak when it isn’t. Here are some more examples of scientific “theories:”

Quantum Theory: This deals with subatomic particles and some crazy stuff, it is the reason we have cell phones and computers.

Stress Theory: This is the theory that allows engineers to construct buildings, bridges, roads, planes, cars, etc. It works.

As you are probably in a building and on a computer, your very situation in life at this moment is hinged upon scientific theory. Should you pretend your computer doesn’t exist and never cross another bridge because it’s “only theory”?

Oh and it’s only the mechanisms through which evolution is accomplished that are theory. Explanations such as genetic drift, natural selection, mate selection, those are the theories of the mechanics of how evolution works. Evolution in itself is a biological fact.

Myth: Evolution doesn’t explain how life started.

True. But then it was never meant or intended to. No scientist worth his degree has ever claimed that evolution indubitably explains how life sprang into existence. Evolution is the study of the way life changes, adapts and evolves over time and from adversity. Being analogous it explains how the leaves fell from the tree, not how they came to be in the first place. The idea that “evolution doesn’t explain where life came from so it’s wrong” is as stupid as saying “We don’t know how human civilization started so recorded history is all wrong.”

The notion that life arose from inanimate matter, the “primordial ooze” or “primeval soup” the abiogenesis hypothesis. Note that it’s a hypothesis and NOT a theory. It’s an educated guess. Now you see why creationists like to use the origin of life argument? It’s easier to defeat an untested or unproven hypothesis/guess than it is to even begin an attack on a scientific theory. This is an example of twisting words and misguiding people.

Some people also like to clump evolution together with the big bang theory which is completely absurd. They are completely different scientific entities.

Myth: We evolved from monkeys.

False. This is a misconception perpetuated largely by that drawing of apes becoming man… which if I recall was originally drawn to mock Darwin, it was part of an early smear campaign to discredit him by distorting his theory. It is with great irony (but not surprising in a religious country like the USA) that it has become a symbol of evolution.

According to evolution we did NOT evolve from apes, we simply share a common ancestor many millions of years ago. We both evolved from Pierolapithecus catalaunicus. You can actually say that Apes evolved from humans and be equally incorrect.

Hell, there are very distinguishable differences in the ethnicities of humans, both in appearance in genetics, and that came about over a couple hundred thousand years of separation… Imagine if we had continued without mingling or seeing each other for several million years – the differences between whites/Asians/blacks/etc. would have been astounding, we’d eventually have become different species. Imagine if technology was lost and the planet surface was divided by impossible crevasses and the west coast, the north and the south were all separated for millions of years – we would be completely different with the Southerners probably becoming something like Morlocks.

Myth: Evolution is random.

False. Random chance is very contrary to the principle of Natural Selection, which is one of the fundamental concepts of evolution. Members of a species that are less suited to survive die out while those more capable thrive and expand. There is nothing random about it, life under evolution progresses in a natural and logical manner.

We all have genetic differences and mutations that are chance, (you might be taller or shorter than the rest of your family, may have more hair, a better brain for math, a unique allergy, may be double jointed, and so on) and these differences make us stronger or weaker in certain areas. Natural selection actively selects which strengths are suited for survival in an environments and which aren’t. There is a very small element of chance, but selection is the opposite of random.

No, we did not develop eyes at random, we developed eyes over an exceptionally long, gradual process of trial and error. Eyes were not spontaneously or miraculously generated, and there was never “half an eye.” Eyes began as a simple cluster of cells that were sensitive to light and they slowly increased in complexity and capability until they were able to see directions and eventually colors and complex shapes.

To be taken step by step through how this could have occurred, watch this segment from an instructional lecture (it’s like a British kid friendly show from 1991) by Richard Dawkins called “Climbing Mount Improbable.” He demonstrates exactly how something as complex as the eye evolved through natural selection (and then goes on to explain wings and camouflage).

To flip the fallacious “watch maker argument” around, watches were also not created at random. The creation of the watch was a slow and gradual process of trial and error, of experimentation and exploration. Like the lightbulb it took many attempts and a lot of revision before it was finally done right. No watch maker magically popped into existence and started crafting watches on his first go. The watch itself had to evolve.

Myth: Complex things don’t come naturally:

False. For reasons above.

Myth: Evolution isn’t testable or repeatable.

False. Evolution has been observed in a number of species and it is testable and repeatable with bacteria and other simple, short lived lifeforms. Even kids can do it. When I was in high school my biology class genetically augmented and evolved some ecoli strains.

For a solid example refer to: (Weinberg, J.R., V.R. Starczak, and D. Jorg, 1992, “Evidence for rapid speciation following a founder event in the laboratory.” Evolution 46: 1214-1220) For more observed instances of speciation, refer to this FAQ.

It should be noted that nobody has been able to spontaneously generate an entire new species out of thin air or inanimate matter.

Perhaps one of the strangest things was the advocates for “intelligent design” were the ones to frequently (and mistakenly) accuse evolution of being untestable or unrepeatable when their own idea was utterly impossible to test, observe, repeat, or prove. Fortunately the intelligent design craze seems to have died down a little since most religious leaders (including the Pope and the Vatican) have openly said that it’s absurd and not a science by any possible stretch.

And those are just a few of gross misconceptions and egregious misunderstandings of evolution. I may get into more at a later date.

Now on another note…

Here’s an interesting thing… If you think about it, Evolution has to exist for the bible to be true. IF there were an Adam and Eve (there wasn’t) and they began as the only two humans on the planet (they weren’t) that doesn’t account for the wide genetic differences and variations across the human spectrum. Let’s say they were Arabic: dark brown hair, brown eyes, and bronze skin… if there is no evolution then where did the Asians come from? Where did the blacks come from? And the whites? The Filipinos? The Eskimos? Etc. Even if they had been originally very different (Adam was black and Eve was pale white with blonde hair and blue eyes) there is still no possible way for their descendants to have developed very different eye colors (brown, green, blue, grey, black, etc.), hair colors (different shades of brown, black, blonde, and red), skin (we all know the differences here), facial features (the features between whites, blacks, Mexicans, arabs, Asians and so forth are visibly obvious), sizes (heights and weights) and so on without evolution. It’s not possible… unless of course evolution is true.

Hell, if the story of Noah was true we’d all be descended from him and his family, which would guarantee even less genetic variance (particularly as it – according to theists – occurred not that long ago) as they were certainly all similar in race, and appearance. So where could all these vastly different humans come from?

And another(even less related) thing. If the great flood apparently wiped out all life on the planet except for those on the ark, then how come christians point to “many cultures have stories of a great flood” as evidence that it happened. That other cultures still existed disproves the great flood in the first place!

Food for thought.


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Well it seems my predictions were coming true… at least until Steve Jobs stopped early.

As I thought they went into more details about the iTV and they announced the iPhone! They also utilized that multi-touch functionality of theirs in a creative and useful way (for the phone). It seems to work very similarly to that video I linked to in my previous blog, in particular in how it handles pictures and how they can be sized.

Also as I predicted the phone included some unexpected features… It is fully touch screen compatible and comes with a number of sensors (including a proximity sensor) as well as means to prevent accidental touches. It makes calling and conference calling incredibly easy (you can touch the screen to add people to a call), and so on. This phone is going to drastically raise the bar and this is going to provide a solid kick in the ass to the other phone companies who have been very lackluster in terms of innovation (i.e. they haven’t innovated archaic things such as voicemail at all). And I don’t mean innovation as in adding new things, I mean innovation as in revamping and improving upon how things are already done.

Not to mention this phone carries the undeniably powerful iPod name, it comes with a version of OS X (which is an interesting way to get the OS in more people’s hands – often those who experiment with OS X switch shortly after), full fledged internet capabilities, comprehensive video and music capabilities, 2 megapixel camera and so on. This thing will make an impact for certain.

I’m even considering going back to Cingular even though we did not part on the best of terms (they gave me a whole bunch of BS fees when I switched to Verizon).

However that’s where the conference ended. Jobs and Co. brought John Mayor on stage for a few songs, concluded it simply, packed up and left. There wasn’t even the trademark “oh and one more thing…” this time around.

So which of my predictions didn’t see light?

– No new Leopard info

– No iSight or new monitor

– No iWork or iLife announcements

– No Tablet (though the multi touch in the iPod suggests we will see one)

We did however learn that Apple Computer Inc. was changing and shortening its name to Apple Inc. I suppose they’re dropping the “computer” to be more in line with their ever expanding electronic products. They are changing their horizons and taking on more avenues of the electronic market… They even showed a comparison graph which showed video game console sales. Is Apple planning on getting into the video game console market at some point? I actually hope not.

With all the crazy new stuff they’re coming out with, I hope they keep their emphasis and specialty on building great computers and fine tuning their operating system.



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Well Apple has rolled out the big hype guns on its main page in preparation for Macworld coming up next week. I’m sure some people may dismiss the bold teaser as fuel for the hype machine, but the last time Apple did this was in 2002, where they went on to announce the flat paneled iMac, the 14″ iBook, iPhoto, OS X as standard boot, and more. Essentially they roll out the Macworld hype carpet only when they have some major changes to announce and I expect Apple is unveiling the big guns this time around because they really plan to deliver.

So here are some of the things I’m expecting to see, or at least hoping to see.

Leapord: Arguably the star of the show will be the full reveal of Apple’s new, updated version of OS X. Last September we were privy to many of its upcoming features but we were told there was still much that was top secret (for fear of Microsoft imitating them I believe was the stated reason). We can expect many of the same updates/software to be shown again here, perhaps updated or improved a bit. Spaces, time machine, the updated iCal, Address Book, and so on all look to be included and worthwhile. I’m particularly fond of the iChat modifcations, including the ability on video chat to show pictures and video live. I think iTunes 7 is indicative of some of the things we can expect from Leopard both visibly and functionally.

Most applications on Leopard have undergone a graphical overhaul, with Finder being a notable exception… Indeed Finder still carries that brushed metal look, and for this reason I expect that we will be given an updated Finder. I’m hoping it has tabbed browsing, and I hope they allow a form of Quick Look for the Finder to browse through picture files. The one thing I still like about Windows is that you can click on a picture and browse all of them in the folder by pressing the left or right keys, if Apple including something to that effect it would be fantastic.

Macbook Tablet: I may be alone in the blogging world on this, but I do think we will see a Tablet mac computer announced, if not demonstrated, at this upcoming Macworld. However, rather than just announcing a tablet computer I believe Apple will take steps to innovate the tablet computers and redefine what they’re capable of. Back in 2002 Steve Jobs dismissed the (then brand new) tablet concept as being the same thing except you could draw on it. With some of the touch screen patents and properties owned by Apple, I expect a tablet Mac to do things like this multi-touch demonstration (Apple evidently owns this technology) which will immediately set it apart.

iPod: May we finally be getting that touch screen video ipod? Might we see a model where the entire side is a video screen that you touch? I don’t know but that would be excellent. If nothing else I imagine there will be some iPod updates which include longer battery life, brighter screen, more interface improvements, and so on. Since there were some pretty substantial upgrades in September I’m not sure how much new we’ll be seeing on this front. I really don’t think the iPod shuffle can stand to get smaller without issues of losing it easily.

iLife: I think iLife 07 will be announced and demonstrated. I imagine iMovie will get some cool new features, making it an even more potent video editing software. iPhoto is liable to get a couple added features, along with Garage Band… the latter may get some new loops and interface changes making it even more convenient and easy to use. While many of the changes to these programs may be minimal, they will be welcome frosting on the leopard cake.


iWork 07 ought to make an appearance with some updates as well. The main bonus to this version seems to be the alleged inclusion of a spreadsheet program similar to Microsoft’s Excel but naturally easier and more intuitive to learn and use. While still a rumor, there is some pretty solid backing to this. For one spreadsheets are a good thing to have and it would be a major selling point – especially to those who’d like one less reason to have the MS Office Suit

ThinkSecret has released this screen capture of the iWork Spreadsheet program:

The screen of iWork's new feature.

Now it could be fake, but Think Secret tends to be quite a reliable source. In any event I look forward to seeing what they do with iWork. Keynote is certainly superior to powerpoint, Pages is debatably better than Word, and I’d hope the iWork Spreadsheet winds up being more potent or useful than Excel.

Monitor with iSight camera built in: With the iSight apparently discontinued, there will be a lot of Mac Mini and Mac Pro users without the ability to engage in video chat (missing out on those new iChat features) or take pictures with photobooth… To deal with this I think future Apple monitors will have the iSight included as an incentive to choose those monitors over a cheaper Dell or Acer equivalent.

As for the singular iSight camera, I hope they are improved and reinstated. There were advantages of the iSight as a separate entity, such as the ability to maneuver the camera around and point it at different people and differnet directions, also the cord allowed some small measure portability… An iSight trapped in a monitor loses the maneuvarability and options afforded by the stand alone iSight, and a camera at the top of a large monitor may prove troublesome as it’s above the head of the user or the monitor would have to be otherwise adjusted.

iTV: This was quite the surprise last September, and I think we will see much more of it next week at Macworld. However I don’t really suspect it will be released until later in the spring, maybe in February.

Apple Phone: Saving the biggest (and most “controversial?”) for last, the oft rumored iPod phone. This seems to have been the major topic of bloggers and speculative articles on websites such as digg or cnet. There are so many rumors and speculation I don’t know where to begin. Will it have two batteries? Will it be touch screen? Will it interface with the computer easily? Will it play iPod games? Can it connect to the internet? Can you do run video chat on it? etc.

Now I can’t say for certain whether we will see this or not, but I am leaning towards a “big revealing” of a phone that will impress us with features nobody expected. I may be labeled an apple fanboy for this (and probably will be anyway for this whole article) but I think the Apple phone could be a big deal, particularly if the price point is indeed a mere $250 (which is significantly cheaper than many well featured phones)… The prospect of a phone that can play music/videos only partly appeals to me, but the notion of a phone that can interface easily with a computer (and, in the case of a Mac, sync with Address book, iCal, and others) and run a video chat conversation would be awesome. Hell, I’d buy a video cell phone just for that.

In any case, I’m looking forward to the news and announcements of Macworld 07 and I don’t think I’ll be disappointed. If Jobs and Co are true to form there will be something coming out of left field, some crazy new idea or technology. At the last bit Steve Jobs will do his, “oh and there’s one more thing” and go on to announce something interesting. More than anything though I am a bit curious to see what those top secret Leopard features will turn out to be…


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Well, as if the wiretapping wasn’t bad enough… Evidently President Bush quietly added a signing statement to a recent postal reform bill which grants him the authority to open American mail without a judge issued search warrant. This naturally flies in the face of every existing law and judicial precedent on the matter and contradicts the very bill itself which specifically reinforces the protections against unwarranted search and seizures.

Now this is an extension of presidential power that gives him leverage to violate some of our rights prescribed by the constitution. That he used “exigent circumstances” troubles me a bit, that’s a broad and vague requirement and open to any manner of interpretation. Basically it’s like saying he can look at our mail whenever the situation demands it… He can construe this to basically mean “anytime” seeing as the threat of terrorism is ever-present and we are locked in an unwinnable war against a concept.

Why does this bug me? Because I know my history, and I know this exact pattern has been seen before. The threat of terrorism and attack has been used before to justify the invasion of privacy and rights, and the often seen “If you have nothing to fear then you have nothing to hide” defense (which is actually a fallacy of the false dichotomy by the way) has been used before… Few people are alive who remember it, but it was a very common defense in 1938 Nazi Germany… Yes, it’s important to remember that Hitler was elected to power and he slowly dismantled the democracy in the interest of national security by doing many of the same political maneuvering that the US is doing now. The Nazis began giving themselves more power and invading the privacy and infringing on the rights of the citizens more and more wielding the defense of protection and security.

I’m not necessarily likening Bush to Hitler, but I am using the example to illustrate how important it is that we are aware of the possible dangers with granting the president power to void our rights or break the law in the interest of “national security.”

In any case, I hope nobody takes their rights for granted and will actively defend them against those who’d like to take them away.


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Since there are so many conspiracy theories out there I feel almost obligated to forward another one, one that’s so ridiculous that people will HAVE to believe it. The conspiracy is simple: Saddam Hussein wasn’t really executed, it was all staged.

Of course why would they do such a thing? Well, motives aren’t all that important to conspiracy theories, so let’s just say it was some evil corporation exerting political influence and pulling strings. Let’s go with Microsoft. No, that’s too cliche and expected… given some of the negative publicity for battery explosions let’s go with Sony. Sony sounds about right.

Did I mention recent investigation revealed that the Sony battery explosions were really an elaborate terrorist plot from Iraqis to harm businessmen and boil desktop surfaces? It’s all true – why would I make it up?

On to the alleged hanging of Saddam Hussein. I had a panel of top experts examine the video and they came to some stunning conclusions. They determined that a 69 year old dictator would not have the remaining muscle strength to jerk about as he did, that the muscle reflex behaviors would be impossible for anybody over the age of 30. They also believe that he could not have landed in his own footprints without external assistance. Some point out that the death was too quick considering Saddam had such a fat neck.

It must have been an imposter – a dedicated young man probably around the age of 25… No he was 16 – that way it sounds more dramatic and messed up!

Ted Bradley, a reputable agent and disguise analyst of the CIA (using an undercover name), says that the beard the Saddam imposter wore easily obscured his face and made it easy for most, less discerning people, to know who was actually being hung.

“The beard is an old disguise,” Bradley told us, “it’s a cheap and easy way to hide your face and real identity. However in this case our analysis indicates that the jawline, beard growth, and general face structure is inconsistent with our records of Saddam Hussein.”

“There was no hanging on Saturday morning”, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the former Iraqi Information Minister, told authories, “There hasn’t been a hanging here since the American invasion when the US soldiers hung themselves in droves.”

“I can give you the utmost assurances that mister Hussein is not only among the living, but he is in better shape than he ever has been.” The information minister continued, “He is being secretly moved away somewhere and inside sources say he may become a cab driver.”

And here’s where it all ties together: The whole event was filmed by a Sony HD camera! Sony is using this staged death for incredible publicity (everyone in the world will know that a Sony camera was used to capture the last moments of the dictator) and a chance to bolster the sales of their HD-TVs and Blu-Ray format by offering special “Saddam Bundles of Death” where you get a copy of the video in Hi-def for free with any purchase!

Some experts are now suggesting that Saddam is largely responsible for Global Warming as well as the Bird Flu and they believe action must be taken to force the Bush administration to unmask the truth and kill the real Saddam before they unwittingly unleash catastrophes and destruction on humanity and the planet.

Calling the white house number yielded no results as Bush was either unwilling to comment or was just plain busy. However some sources inform us that Bush doesn’t even know how to operate a phone, rendering that line of inquiry fruitless.

Anyway, the hanging of Saddam was obviously a conspiracy by the government working in conjunction with Sony to sell more HD-TVs.

They can’t stop the signal,

Disclaimer: If you couldn’t tell this whole thing was facetious and not to be taken seriously whatsoever. Sony isn’t in league with terrorists, there was no panel of experts who reviewed the tape, Saddam is most assuredly dead, I’m not really trying to cause trouble just to poke fun at conspiracy theories in general. I do think a few of the conspiracy theories are pluasible, but this one is definitely a made up and a farce.

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