Evidently “some people say” that the Nintendo DS leads to child molestation… Ha!

You can see their actual report here.

Essentially their story goes like this:

– You are driving your child around and he or she is playing their DS. Fair enough.

– A pedophile or child molestor is driving on the highway near enough to you to glance over and scan your car for children. He sees your child playing a Nintendo DS. (improbable, but ok..)

– The child molester then whips out his DS and, while driving, begins pictochat to see if he can find your kid on pictochat. (Using a DS while driving would be a very difficult thing to do, especially pictochat which tends to require both hands – one to hold it and one to use the stylus).

– Your kid isn’t playing a game but is instead sitting already in pictochat mode for some unexplicable reason and just waiting for some random shmuck (who’s steering with his mental willpower at this point) to message him/her.

– When your kid gets the message he/she accepts the messages and the child molester uses his Jedi mind tricks to get the kid to tell him the address. “You want to tell me where you live.” (Again, the odds of a kid giving up his address so readily is very improbable. And a kid gullible enough to do it wouldn’t even know the address.)

– The pedophile writes down the address (balancing the DS and paper pad while writing and driving the car), seeks it out, breaks in and rapes the kid.

Uh huh, great job Fox.

This would be a great case study in sensationalist garbage.

The kid already has to be on pictochat (on the freeway which is very unlikely) and waiting for someone to message him for this to work. Most kids play games on the DS, it’s not really seen as a communication device among children except for friends and neighbors. Also it’s not like they’d have the sense to be quiet about it if they’re dumb enough to give away their address. They wouldn’t be at the age where they’d keep secrets from mommy because some random stranger said to. Plus, pedos are far more likely to reach kids online through IMs…

Just to address a comment in the report:

Granted they knew it was me sending the messages but they had only met me minutes before.

Really sherlock? I’m sure the fact that you were invited into their home, trusted by the mother, and already AT their address helped that. Oh and the fact that you’re a well known news figure and a trusted authority source was another factor playing into that. With the questions he was asking they probably thought it was a demonstration or test of the communication capabilities, not a way to test child readiness to divulge their address to strangers.

And wow, the DS can send a message more than 300′ away while they advertise only 65 feet, those must be evil deceptive bastards! Of course it’s probably fair to assume that the 65 feet is the range for the worst conditions and it’s safer to underpromise on this sort of thing, but how dare they allow such a long distance for gameplaying? I think that’s actually awesome and opens great possibility for multiplayer (what everyone really uses the wifi for).

Beyond that there’s the usual shallow propaganda techniques Fox is known for. It’s remarkable the kind of stories they will run know… are they just low on ideas?

Mike

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Can the RIAA even read?

February 9, 2007

Many of you probably already know about Steve Job’s essay on music and DRM copy protection that he published on Apple’s website earlier this week (if not you can find it readily here). He talks at length about DRM and copy protection, and how it’s not interoperable and other issues as well as the reasons behind why it’s done. He also recommends that the companies get rid of DRM as it would be better for the consumers and everyone involved. Here are some excerpts:

“The third alternative is to abolish DRMs entirely. Imagine a world where every online store sells DRM-free music encoded in open licensable formats. In such a world, any player can play music purchased from any store, and any store can sell music which is playable on all players. This is clearly the best alternative for consumers, and Apple would embrace it in a heartbeat. If the big four music companies would license Apple their music without the requirement that it be protected with a DRM, we would switch to selling only DRM-free music on our iTunes store. Every iPod ever made will play this DRM-free music.”

“Why would the big four music companies agree to let Apple and others distribute their music without using DRM systems to protect it? The simplest answer is because DRMs haven’t worked, and may never work, to halt music piracy. Though the big four music companies require that all their music sold online be protected with DRMs, these same music companies continue to sell billions of CDs a year which contain completely unprotected music. That’s right! No DRM system was ever developed for the CD, so all the music distributed on CDs can be easily uploaded to the Internet, then (illegally) downloaded and played on any computer or player.”

“Convincing them to license their music to Apple and others DRM-free will create a truly interoperable music marketplace. Apple will embrace this wholeheartedly.”

Seems obvious and straightforward enough, right? If you read the entire article he makes some very good points about how futile copy protection is (with numbers to support it) and how sharing the DRM protection among other major companies would be a terrible idea that would be problematic and ruin the whole point.

Now this is the kicker. Here is the RIAA’s response to Job’s article:

“Apple’s offer to license Fairplay to other technology companies is a welcome breakthrough and would be a real victory for fans, artists and labels. There have been many services seeking a license to the Apple DRM. This would enable the interoperability that we have been urging for a very long time.”

Did they miss the premise of the entire article? Did they miss the arguments and comments that licensing fairplay would be a complete and disastrous mess? It appears so.

Even if they had overlooked the bulk of article calling for all DRM protection to be removed, there is nothing Jobs said that would suggest Apple plans to license their DRM – quite the opposite in fact. Jobs lists it as an option and then immediately discusses why it’s not a viable one.

I am becoming increasingly convinced that the RIAA is living in some alternate closet dimension of their own creation. It seems that working for the RIAA requires a degree of self-delusion that could put even spin doctors like Bill O’Reilly to shame…

Mike

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I can respect Tom Cruise as an actor…

Sure he plays pretty much the same role in every movie (the cocky jackass who finds humility, loyalty and other virtues), but he plays that one role very well!

Yet riding on the hype of War of the Worlds he announced to the world that he was, indeed, a nutjob and basketcase. Professing faith in scientology he offended rational people everywhere.

My current feelings for Tom Cruise are best represented by this picture:

This just perfectly sums up Tom.

This came out of a brief photoshop lesson and it seems so perfect, so… him. We’ve got the purple crown with a strange symbol (it’s really a wristband and symbol for the Bleed Purple Foundation) which is pure silliness contrasted with a stern and perceptive staring into the distance look (good ol’ Tom is keeping a watch out for the minions of Lord Zenu). We have a yellow background to contrast everything even further.

Yes, this is the prophet of scientology. This is the man that, in 2000 years, people may actually be worshiping as a demigod or the son of some diety. They will say he healed the sick, he defeated the robot uprising unwittingly unleashed by Microsoft, he died and came back to life in his true alien form, and so on. That the whole religion was created in 1954 as a bet will be long forgotten. There is no science, only TOM.

This picture is the future folks. Peace.

Mike

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Stephen Colbert is one of my favorite television characters ever. The man is simply awesome. Anyway he is sort of an over-the-top emulation of Bill O’Reilly, indirectly mocking him and the more strident “conservatives” by acting like an idiot enthusiastically supporting every decision of theirs. He is very much like O’Reilly except the idiocy is a joke, and not real.

Anyway in a move that is almost too good to be true, Colbert was invited to appear on the O’Reilly Factor and O’Reilly appeared on the Colbert report. Both interviews are amusing, but the one on the Colbert Report was just awesome. Here are some links:

Colbert on O’Reilly’s show

O’Reilly on the Colbert Report

O’Reilly was strangely respectful on his show when Stephen was on, though after Colbert left he went on a diatribe about how Colbert was bad for the country, and the damage that was being done. Maybe he was afraid of going toe-to-toe with Stephen (who does think very quickly on his feet) and looking like a jackass, or maybe he toned it down and held back because he knew he’d be appearing on the Colbert Report later. I’m sure O’Reilly also realizes that acting like a jackass to someone who’s pretending to idolize him would look Bully-ish. However it does look like O’Reilly has to work to hold his composure at times.

There were some very funny moments in the Colbert Report interview, and some fairly subtle jabs near the beginning about O’Reilly’s sex scandal (the reference of Jon as a sexual predator and how Bill would know what that’s like). There are some great moments so go watch if you haven’t seen it yet. The best line though has to be: “If you’re an act, then what am I?”

Peace out nation,

Mike

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Since there are so many conspiracy theories out there I feel almost obligated to forward another one, one that’s so ridiculous that people will HAVE to believe it. The conspiracy is simple: Saddam Hussein wasn’t really executed, it was all staged.

Of course why would they do such a thing? Well, motives aren’t all that important to conspiracy theories, so let’s just say it was some evil corporation exerting political influence and pulling strings. Let’s go with Microsoft. No, that’s too cliche and expected… given some of the negative publicity for battery explosions let’s go with Sony. Sony sounds about right.

Did I mention recent investigation revealed that the Sony battery explosions were really an elaborate terrorist plot from Iraqis to harm businessmen and boil desktop surfaces? It’s all true – why would I make it up?

On to the alleged hanging of Saddam Hussein. I had a panel of top experts examine the video and they came to some stunning conclusions. They determined that a 69 year old dictator would not have the remaining muscle strength to jerk about as he did, that the muscle reflex behaviors would be impossible for anybody over the age of 30. They also believe that he could not have landed in his own footprints without external assistance. Some point out that the death was too quick considering Saddam had such a fat neck.

It must have been an imposter – a dedicated young man probably around the age of 25… No he was 16 – that way it sounds more dramatic and messed up!

Ted Bradley, a reputable agent and disguise analyst of the CIA (using an undercover name), says that the beard the Saddam imposter wore easily obscured his face and made it easy for most, less discerning people, to know who was actually being hung.

“The beard is an old disguise,” Bradley told us, “it’s a cheap and easy way to hide your face and real identity. However in this case our analysis indicates that the jawline, beard growth, and general face structure is inconsistent with our records of Saddam Hussein.”

“There was no hanging on Saturday morning”, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the former Iraqi Information Minister, told authories, “There hasn’t been a hanging here since the American invasion when the US soldiers hung themselves in droves.”

“I can give you the utmost assurances that mister Hussein is not only among the living, but he is in better shape than he ever has been.” The information minister continued, “He is being secretly moved away somewhere and inside sources say he may become a cab driver.”

And here’s where it all ties together: The whole event was filmed by a Sony HD camera! Sony is using this staged death for incredible publicity (everyone in the world will know that a Sony camera was used to capture the last moments of the dictator) and a chance to bolster the sales of their HD-TVs and Blu-Ray format by offering special “Saddam Bundles of Death” where you get a copy of the video in Hi-def for free with any purchase!

Some experts are now suggesting that Saddam is largely responsible for Global Warming as well as the Bird Flu and they believe action must be taken to force the Bush administration to unmask the truth and kill the real Saddam before they unwittingly unleash catastrophes and destruction on humanity and the planet.

Calling the white house number yielded no results as Bush was either unwilling to comment or was just plain busy. However some sources inform us that Bush doesn’t even know how to operate a phone, rendering that line of inquiry fruitless.

Anyway, the hanging of Saddam was obviously a conspiracy by the government working in conjunction with Sony to sell more HD-TVs.

They can’t stop the signal,
-Mike

Disclaimer: If you couldn’t tell this whole thing was facetious and not to be taken seriously whatsoever. Sony isn’t in league with terrorists, there was no panel of experts who reviewed the tape, Saddam is most assuredly dead, I’m not really trying to cause trouble just to poke fun at conspiracy theories in general. I do think a few of the conspiracy theories are pluasible, but this one is definitely a made up and a farce.

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